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Arc F1.8 | Chapter 20: We Are Pieces In A Game We May Never Truly Understand

Have you ever been in a long-term relationship? “Yes, during the war. He’s dead.” something ✮ ✮ ✮  Vern ✮ ✮ ✮

To say I didn’t like Jerrial’s would be an understatement. Something about the woman, tugging on Jerrial’s hoodie, leaning in towards him, her smile bright, her eyes even brighter, dug at me.

Jerrial was —had been mine since we were teenagers, unsure of ourselves but clearly feeling for one another. It was stupid, I knew, to have never let my love for the boy die, even after he had been gone for years, decades. I had known—had known deep in my heart, in the pit of my stomach—that he was still out there, though.

How was I to let my love for him go when I knew he was alive and suffering? That hadn’t seemed possible, nor was that the sort of heartless person I wanted to become.

So I had searched and searched and searched.

At first, I had remained in my parents’ care, taking care of the children they kept having more and more of without complaint, only flinches of fear because my parents’ ire came fast and fierce. I’d been the good boy, going to school and searching during breaks, sneaking out through my dorm window every evening, asking, asking—always asking everyone I came across if they’d seen my friend, if they’d heard anything about him, about kidnappings, about

I’d followed a million leads, each leading nowhere, until I’d stumbled across a teenager, mangy and half-feral.

she’d asked, accepting the drink I’d gotten her with the last of my money—I’d long since abandoned by family and schooling, taking what little I could and vanishing into the streets. I’d been asking around, trying to find out if anyone had heard about kidnappings, rather than Jerrial specifically. The girl had popped up, stinking of shit and piss and even skinnier than I was by that point. It had been stupid but easy to buy her something to eat, get her a nice drink.

the girl had explained, giving me fact after fact about what had always been missing from my search: a reason.

I’d already known about Jerrial’s status as the last Lowdouran, of course—rarely had we kept any secrets, other than our mutual attractive, from one another. Even that secret had spilled out eventually, even if nothing had ever come from it—no kisses, no hugs, no bodies pressed against one another. We were young and awkward and had time, until suddenly, we had none at all.

It felt like we had no time still. As much as I was trying to deny it, Jerrial was dying. Sure, Emilia’s contact be able to help him, but it wasn’t a given and all I wanted to do was tuck myself and Jerrial away from the world. It wouldn’t be long, but surely, we could enjoy a few hours together before the olthagri was back, pressing at his chest and dragging him closer to death?

Even the fact that we were both disgusting didn’t bother me. This was the boy—man—I had loved for decades, despite so little of that time having been spent together. I had thought of him so often while we were apart, my fingers slipping inside myself, wishing it was Jerrial fingering me open, preparing me for his cock.

Something like that seemed impossible now, but we could carve a little time out to be together, I thought—or had thought, until we found this woman.

If I tried to take Jerrial away now, the woman would object—would demand we stay with her. Who was she to demand such things? I was the one who had spent decades searching for Jerrial, not her! She was the one who, by virtue of being in this terrible place, had led us all into danger!

Were we likely to also save all these people as a result of Jerrial’s quest for her? Yes. I still would have preferred we not find her down here. Better she be dead than with us. Was that a cruel thing to think? Perhaps, but about the woman didn’t seem

As the woman’s eyes met mine, Jerrial turning to say something to Emilia, a bubble of erupted through me—that strange feeling I could never quite explain. Something between a gut instinct and I had no word for.

What that instinct said, though? That this woman was dangerous—that she would lead to our ruin.

Somehow, I didn’t think Jerrial would listen to me, even were I to scream the reality that we shouldn’t be with this woman, shouldn’t let her out of this place, at the top of my lungs.

Something was wrong with the woman, and there was nothing I could do to stop her corruption from reaching out towards the man I loved or the sweet silverstrain who I increasingly considered my friend—Clemence as well, even if the girl was rather terrifying.

Rayleen… Rayleen could go.

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