I start a business to support you GL [rebirth]

Chapter 106

Escaping was not Lou Chunyu's first choice, but it was her instinct. She couldn't even imagine Song Xizi's expression when he saw the contents of this diary, whether he believed or doubted, or felt that writing this diary The person in the diary became insane and took what was in the dream seriously.

She couldn't explain all of this, including that there would be another life trajectory of Lou Chunyu in her memory, and she still remembered it so clearly, even so clearly that when she recalled it, she still had a heavy pain in her chest.

She didn't even want to go back to her own home, she didn't want to go back to that familiar small bedroom, she was afraid that she would wake up again, and what she would lose this time would be the happiness she had so hard to get.

No one can know her anxiety, and she doesn't want to be known.These feelings became her heavy burden.

When she plucked up the courage to hand over her diary, what was she expecting, in fact, she herself never understood.

She looked forward to it, was afraid, and finally chose to escape.

When she turned to leave, Song Xizi chased her out with her diary, because she had a bad feeling that Lou Chunyu in front of her would turn into a rabbit and flee back into her rabbit hole, and then never come out again.

Song Xizi didn't catch him, watching Lou Chunyu enter the elevator, the elevator went down, and finally stopped at the negative floor, Song Xizi frowned, did she drive away?

Song Xizi looked at the locked diary and went back to a room alone.

She pressed her birthday, and the lock opened. On the yellowed paper inside was strange handwriting, which could only be described as clean and tidy. It could be imagined that it was written by a well-behaved girl.

If Lou Chunyu hadn't told her that this was her diary, Song Xizi would not have thought that it was hers.

Lou Chunyu, who was written in the summer of 2004, was very inferior and felt that she was not good enough, so her mother also thought she was not good and always criticized her.

In 2005, she said that her cousin married someone at the age of 19. Because she was not old enough to get a certificate, she held a banquet in the town hall at the entrance of the village. As a bride, she had tears in her eyes. What Lou Chunyu thought was that if she did not After entering high school, will he also marry early like her?

In 2006, Lou Chunyu seemed a little sad. She wrote down the details of her life and began to ask herself a question, am I wrong?

In 2007, Lou Chunyu's handwriting suddenly began to change. She erased all the traces of the past, her handwriting changed, and her tone changed. In the summer of 2007, she wrote down her life every day.

One day during the summer vacation, Lou Chunyu wrote that my grandma was sick, but my uncle didn’t care about it. My mother took care of my grandma. I heard my mother mention the grievances she had suffered in the past. When she was young, she was also the child neglected by her grandma. She dropped out of school to support the family Grandma only has her uncle in her eyes, but when she grew up, grandma began to need her, and she finally found her sense of existence in grandma, just like I used to be.She was finally elated, and her wish was fulfilled.When I came back, my mother told me that parents will grow up sooner or later, and what they expect is that their children will be filial by their side, so they are still reluctant to let me go far away. So far, they have not forgiven me for applying for a school in other provinces. I said, you are not just You have a daughter, you have a younger brother, my younger brother is more filial than me, my mother is upset, she thinks I am a white-eyed wolf, I am shirking responsibility, I used to be her most filial daughter, but she never praised me, Since I was born, my gender has determined that what I do is wrong, I know that my existence is wrong, and I have to use my whole life to make up for this mistake, so I don’t have to live?People say that there are no perfect parents in the world, and I say that there are. Many parents become parents without any preparation at all.So, I defined my parents as wrong, and I insisted that I was right.I'm going to live my life right.

Write about how she thinks about future arrangements.

She wrote, "I don't know how long I can live in this life. Anyway, it's right to climb up. Freedom is not just talking about it. Only economic freedom is eligible to pursue freedom in life, but the most difficult thing is freedom of thought. I am well aware of the suffering in this area, so I am even more afraid of going the old way. I can only let go of the shackles if I cut off from the past and completely break.As a human being, I am bound without knowing it. Sometimes I will be influenced by my past self and have the idea of ​​​​compromising, but every time at that time, I will think of my bad first half of my life.

At the end of the summer vacation, she wrote, I remembered what it was like to die.It is a long tunnel, dark and cold. Walking alone in the tunnel, I hear voices echoing around me. Sometimes it is my own remorse, and sometimes it is the murmurs of people around me. The voices rippling through the empty tunnel layer by layer. , can drive people crazy.

Then I heard her voice, and I remembered every word she said, so I walked out with hope, and she was still waiting for me where she was, emitting a gentle light.

Song Xizi looked at it, and found that there were gaps intermittently on the following pages. Sometimes it was a few words apart, and sometimes it was a whole paragraph. She relied on the sentences before and after to guess the content of the blanks. It's a person's name, it could be a thing...

It was a bit difficult for her to see, the more she got to the back, the harder she wrote the words, between the lines, Lou Chunyu was about to break through the ground sharply, she seemed to be fighting with a shadow, she was even denying and criticizing herself fiercely , which made Song Xizi breathless.

Gradually, the words became gentler, and she was thinking of her again, and even the words became much easier when thinking of her.

Song Xizi closed the diary, and when she saw the last page, she seemed to hear Lou Chunyu sighing in her ear, a girl with her head bowed and her schoolbag on her back slowly walked away, Lou Chunyu walked towards her with her head upright Come.

The complicated mood was like a mess of yarn being played with by a cat. She looked around, and the house seemed even more empty without Lou Chunyu.

She closed the diary, rubbed her sore eyes, and thought that she should find Lou Chunyu back.

She is not a psychiatrist, but she also has some common sense in this area. She saw from the diary that Lou Chunyu constructed a future setting because of her low self-esteem and depressed life, and made this setting concrete. She imagined herself as the enemy, and she aimed for her future to avoid becoming such a person.

Song Xizi was once attracted by the sharp ideological struggle described in her words, and was almost substituted into this dispute by her. Fortunately, Lou Chunyu came out later, she put down the imaginary target, and she became stronger .

Song Xizi didn't know where to find Lou Chunyu, she called Lou Chunyu, Lou Chunyu answered the phone and said, "Have you finished reading?"

"I've finished reading. Where are you? I think I'll tell you something in person." Song Xizi stood up, picked up the car keys, and thought that if Lou Chunyu drove far, she would drive there too.

Lou Chunyu said, "I'm in the pavilion of the community."

Song Xizi breathed a sigh of relief, she thought that Lou Chunyu had driven away, but it turned out that he didn't leave at all.

In the pavilion of the community, Song Xizi walked through the flower bed, passed among the children playing and playing, and walked into the pavilion.

In the pavilion, Lou Chunyu leaned on a chair, feeling helpless, like a lost child.

She stared blankly at Song Xizi, as if asking her, do you know me?

Song Xizi sat down beside her, "First of all, I'm very nervous. You handed me such an important diary and showed it to me. It's tantamount to confessing. You let me see you without any cover, which makes me feel very uncomfortable. I'm sorry, the revealing of thoughts is a step further than the revealing of the body, so I know that you have such a repressed past."

"You know my secret."

"Well, I know, I actually have a secret. I received psychiatric treatment when I was in junior high school. I once fantasized that someone was talking in my ear. I couldn't sleep all day and all night because of auditory hallucinations. Although I don't remember when I was What did I hear? It was scary. My parents told me that I couldn’t fall asleep at that time, and I sat on the edge of the bed like a sleepwalker, and then I bowed my head by myself as if saying something, which made her very scared, and she said Sent me to a psychiatric hospital for a while. At that time, I was still relapsing frequently, and the situation was good and bad, and it scared her and Dad a lot."

"and after?"

"It was fine later, the voice disappeared at some point, and never appeared again. Now you make me think about it, and I can't remember what it is. My mother said it was a problem with puberty, and it will disappear after puberty. .”

Lou Chunyu froze for a moment, she found that Song Xizi seemed to be thinking in another direction, after reading the diary, she thought she was mentally ill?

"In your opinion, I'm mentally ill?" Lou Chunyu found it inconceivable, she thought that Song Xizi could at least see something, but it turned out not, Song Xizi attributed everything in the diary to his adolescent cranky thoughts.

"In fact, everyone has problems more or less, but everyone doesn't pay attention to it, and we don't take it seriously. In fact, we should realize that this is the problem of many people. But your situation is different. I have lived with you for many years, and I found that You have a tenacious soul, yes, tenacious."

Under Song Xizi's warm gaze, Lou Chunyu slowly smiled. She lowered her head, smiled and shook her head, shaking her head while saying, "That's right, no one really understands such things. Sometimes I also Thinking, in fact, there is no me at all, only me from head to toe, I am just afraid that I will become such a person, so I imagined such a real future."

When a tear fell on the back of her hand, Lou Chunyu's heart was relaxed. She stopped struggling. Some things, whether they were lies or mistakes, she made up her mind to make this a secret and never reveal it. secret.

She leaned in Song Xizi's direction, and Song Xizi's body was a little bit forward, so that she just fell into his arms. Lou Chunyu looked up at Song Xizi's chin, and said, "Actually, you cured me."

"How did I heal you?"

"You appeared there, I saw you, it was love at first sight, everything was fine, healthy from the inside out." Lou Chunyu still had tears in his eyes, but a smile appeared on the corner of his lips.

For this matter, Song Xizi also specially searched for some books, theology, philosophy and psychology, and asked her friend who is a psychiatrist. Her seriousness caused a small fluctuation in the company. Zhang Xin heard from his subordinates Song Xizi was going to take the postgraduate entrance examination, but he couldn't believe it. Why didn't he know that Song Xizi had this plan.

In the end, I asked Song Xizi, and Song Xizi said: "I just feel a little empty in my heart, and I want to study hard. Is it not allowed by the company's regulations?"

Zhang Xin had nothing to say, so he asked curiously. Seeing that Song Xizi was studying theology, he was even less interested: "You can talk to your brother Ying about this matter. He has taught himself psychology and is qualified to do it." Consultant, you should have a chat with him."

Zhang Xin muttered softly when he went out, "People are really full now, and they are starting to pursue high-level things."

Song Xizi smiled, and turned his attention back to the pages of the book at hand.

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small theater:

Song Xizi: I have a secret to tell you, I am also mentally ill.

Lou Chunyu: Why did you say that?

Song Xizi: Because I suspect you are mentally ill.

Lou Chunyu: You are mentally ill.

Song Xizi: Why are you swearing at people!